


In Sickness and Health

by forbiddengarnet



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Aggression, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Forced Medication, Hallucinations, M/M, Medication, Planet Scar Syndrome | Geostigma, Post-Advent Children (Compilation of FFVII), Pre-Advent Children (Compilation of FFVII), Sickfic, Withdrawal, auditory hallucinations, chosen family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddengarnet/pseuds/forbiddengarnet
Summary: Even when the Geostigma is eventually beaten, Rufus will have to face withdrawal from his pain medication, but he won't have to do any of this alone.
Relationships: Rufus Shinra/Tseng
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to TheBlackMorals for beta reading this fic!

At the end of the long, tiring day, Tseng finally returned to the small cabin he shared with Rufus, while Reno and Rude technically shared the cabin closest by - Elena was teamed up with one of the female scientists that worked for them. The Turks only went to their own cabins to sleep, though, spending most of their waking time in Rufus and Tseng’s cabin when they weren’t out on duty. It gave them all what little privacy they could afford here in Healin, where space was a valuable good needed for the patients, the victims of the Geostigma. The accommodation was worlds away from the luxury the old Shinra HQ had offered them all, particularly President Rufus Shinra, but it was something they could return to, something to call home.  
  
Getting rid of doctor Kilmister's body late that afternoon had been easy enough. After that, Tseng and his men had spent the rest of the day planning their next mission to recover what was left of Jenova. They knew in what area they would be successful, but the best route had to be determined, the chopper and their equipment checked, and a general plan of action had to be decided. Reno and Rude operate the chopper, while Tseng and Elena would infiltrate the Northern Cave.  
  
As Tseng carefully took off his suit jacket and gloves on the way upstairs, he would admit only to himself that he had a bad feeling about this upcoming mission. He couldn't pinpoint where that feeling came from, but his instincts usually proved correct. This feeling made him uncomfortable, but if anything happened at the cave, they would deal with it the Turk way. He hadn't let this bad feeling show while among the others, and he wasn't planning on changing that. In the end, it was his responsibility.  
  
Upstairs, Tseng wanted to check on Rufus before he would go about anything else. They had spoken on the phone earlier that evening, so he knew that the Geostigma was causing a lot of pain again. It came in waves and different intensities, and even though Rufus had tried to hide it on the phone, Tseng _knew_ it was particularly bad tonight. He had long since learned to read every little twitch the President might make, every different nuance his voice might lapse. He knew the other man better than anybody. And so, as he silently opened the door to Rufus' dimly lit bedroom and saw the world's once most powerful man curled up on his side in pain on the bed, it broke his heart.  
  
He didn’t know when Rufus had last taken his medication, but judging by the pain evident in the other man's sleeping expression, Tseng guessed Rufus was overdue. The suit jacket and gloves hung over one arm, Tseng reached up with the other hand to undo and take off his tie, before the items were placed over the back of a chair, followed by the gun holsters. He opened the top button of his shirt as he walked to the side of the bed where he found water and the medication on the nightstand, underneath the small lamp.  
  
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Tseng looked down at the sleeping figure, facing him. Rufus Shinra was many things to him - his boss, his charge, his confidant, his closest friend and ally, and his not-so-secret long term lover. They had been through so much together, so many times in the past that had almost gotten either or both of them killed. No matter what, Rufus would always stand tall and proud, would bid his time, and fight when the time was right. He’d _tried_ to help in the greater battle for the Planet, despite the one or the other ulterior motive. He’d made some real differences in the overall battle. He’d had dreams, ambitions, plans, but now fate had dealt a cruel card by infecting Rufus with this horrible disease. Tseng had seen how the Geostigma affected people, how it slowly ate away at them in the most painful way possible. It was a death sentence, but… Tseng refused to give up that easily. They were researching a cure, and though their goal still seemed far away, the failure to find something in time for Rufus was _not_ something he would even consider.  
  
Reaching out to carefully cup his lover's cheek, Tseng once again swore to himself to do whatever might be necessary to defeat this disease. And until then, he would try to ease Rufus’ pain as much as he possibly could. Rufus was no saint, far from it, but he didn't deserve this cruel fate. Unlike Rufus' late father, who would have deserved the Stigma of every single infected person on the Planet combined. In that sense, it was a pity the man had died long before the Geostigma had appeared - Tseng would have taken great pleasure and satisfaction in watching the old President Shinra suffer.  
  
Tseng let his thumb brush over Rufus's cheekbone for just a moment, before he retrieved his hand, turning his attention to the bedside table. He reached out for the water jug and refilled the empty glass, before he picked up folded paper containing the granulate pain medication, placing it next to the glass. This was the currently most effective painkiller for the Geostigma, and Tseng made sure there was always enough readily available for Rufus, no matter what. If that would eventually mean keeping medication from other patients if and when stocks ran low, then so be it. He had so many skeletons in the closet weighing on his shoulders, he could handle one more if it meant relief for his lover.  
  
"Rufus," Tseng spoke the sleeping man's name softly, enough to get a reaction as Rufus was already half awake at this point. When they were only among each other, he didn't refer to the President as 'sir', so Rufus naturally didn't bat an eye at the informal use of his name. " _Meds_ ?" Rufus asked in a whisper, the current pain only allowing him to speak that one word. "Let me help you," the Turk said as he shifted on the bed until he sat with his back to the headpiece. He helped Rufus to slowly sit up a bit against him, not for a single second hesitating. The bandages were beginning to stain from the Geostigma, and though it was in no way pleasant, Tseng wouldn't shy away from getting into contact with it, or from how it soiled his white suit shirt. He wouldn't let this disease put a distance between Rufus and himself. Later, once the pain eased off, he would change the President's bandages.  
  
Tseng reached for the paper that contained the granulate, nimble fingers carefully unfolding the paper as his other arm held safely around Rufus. This was a well versed routine for them by now, Rufus tipping his head back on Tseng's shoulder for the Turk to pour the granulate past parted lips. The paper was then traded for the glass of water, which Tseng held as the President drank. It would wash down the medication, but also give Rufus much needed hydration. Tseng tipped the glass slowly, allowing Rufus to swallow each sip at his own pace. All the while, his other hand reached up to affectionately brush back blonde strands of hair.  
  
“Is everything prepared for tomorrow?” Rufus asked after a few minutes of silence after Tseng returned the empty glass to the bedside table. His voice was quiet, in part due to their close proximity, and in part subdued by the pain that would hopefully subside soon.  
“Does it matter?” Tseng asked as he returned both arms to loosely wrap around the President. “Right now, you should focus on yourself and on getting rest, let us take care of the mission. Everything is taken care of.” The corners of Tseng's lips curled up just a bit as he heard something very close to a defiant huff from Rufus, but there was no further objection.  
  
After that, they returned to an easy silence, during which Tseng felt Rufus slowly begin to relax as the medication was beginning to work. He would change Rufus’ bandages next, but wanted to give the pain just a little longer to lessen. “Just make sure you come back in one piece. We don’t know what’s out there,” Rufus spoke up again, his voice still quiet, but a bit stronger now. Tseng didn’t need a reminder, having experienced first hand who-- no, _what_ else was after Jenova’s remains. “I will, promise,” he said, and pressed a kiss to the side of Rufus’ head before he began to carefully move them to sit more upright. “I’ll get you some water and new bandages,” Tseng announced, and made sure Rufus was able to sit okay before he moved off the bed. He paused, then filled the last water from the bottle into the glass, and took the empty bottle along.  
  
It didn’t take long for Tseng to return with a bottle of cold water under one arm, some new bandages rolled up in a towel under the other, and his hands holding a bowl with warm water and a washcloth. He found Rufus sitting at the edge of the bed, feet planted firmly on the ground and arms leaning on his legs, looking like that alone had required more strength than he currently had. The President still had good days without being plagued by too much pain, but bad ones like today sapped far more at his strength. Still, Rufus tried to help by taking off the bandage from around his right arm, despite the difficulty it posed. Part of Tseng felt helpless as he could only watch as Rufus obviously suffered, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to take this disease away from him. It was his job, his life purpose to keep Rufus safe, and he had failed miserably. Shaking his head, the Turk stepped into the room. “Don’t, let me take care of you,” he said as he placed the bowl on the chair near the bed, and put down the other items as well.  
  
Again Rufus let out a huff, though this one was more in frustration at himself, Tseng knew. Another silence fell over them as Tseng sat next to Rufus, and removed the rest of the bandages - from around Rufus’ head and left eye, neck, and chest. On bad days, when the pain consumed the President the most, the black ooze became stronger compared to days with less pain. The sight and touch never made Tseng turn away, but it never failed to make him ache for Rufus, knowing how much agony it caused him. This disease was slowly eating away at the President, and if they didn’t hurry, it would be his end. They were rid of Kilmister, who would only have wasted more of their valuable time and resources, but that also meant one good scientific mind less to work on a cure. Still, Tseng tried not to think too much about the impending end, but more about what he could do in the present.  
  
Tseng gently and carefully began to wash as much as he could, the warm water hopefully helping his lover relax a little more. He was pulled from his thoughts when Rufus spoke again after a short while. “You really don’t need to do this, you know. Any of this. This can’t be pleasant for you,” the President said, and Tseng knew how much worse this night actually was on Rufus. Usually Rufus was self-assured, completely confident in himself and the loyalty of his Turks. He had offered them freedom after they’d settled in Healin, but all four of them remained. But on some days, particularly nights when there was more time to think, and with too much pain clouding his mind, Rufus _almost_ sounded like he wanted to just give up. It thankfully didn’t happen often, but it happened, and Tseng was right there for him.  
  
“A long time ago I swore my loyalty to you - professionally, and personally. We’re in this together, I _want_ to support you,” Tseng said as he used the towel to dry the other man off. It pained him to witness the agony Rufus was in, but he generally tried not to show it, wanting to be the support the President, his _lover_ needed. “I'd be here even if you didn’t want me to.”  
  
“And if I ordered you to leave?” Rufus asked, though it wasn’t a serious question. They both knew what effect this disease sometimes had on his mind. “Then I will disobey your order,” Tseng stated, and put down the towel in exchange for a bandage to wrap around the other’s … he considered the chest first, but opted for a smaller bandage to take care of the head sores first. He put the water bowl on the floor to the side, and pulled the chair right in front of Rufus to sit on it.  
  
Keeping the bandage in one hand, the other one reached out to cup Rufus’ jaw and cheek, tilting his head up for them to look at each other. They held eye contact for a long moment, full of emotions between them, and heedless of the black ooze by Rufus’ left eye, and Tseng leant in to press a kiss to the other pair of lips. He met no hesitation from his lover, who returned the kiss, and he felt fingers curling around the sleeve of his shirt, before the hand gripped at his arm. In moments like these, when they were only among each other, they allowed themselves to show emotions that nobody in the outside world would get to see. Here, they could drop the professional stoicism and aloofness. They showed care, love, and they were able to let their guards down - _almost_ entirely. Tseng still made sure to not show Rufus his own worries regarding the Geostigma. He had to, _wanted_ to make up for the strength that Rufus lacked, given the current situation, as the stigma slowly sapped its host of his energy.  
  
When the kiss came to a natural end, they remained close for another moment or two, with Tseng pecking at his lover's lips, and his thumb brushed over Rufus' pale cheekbone. He drew back then, wanting to finish bandaging Rufus again so the President could lie down and rest. Rufus let him, his body relaxing noticeably the more the medication worked. Once all the clean bandages were in place, Tseng insisted the President drink some more while he cleaned up, and went to empty the wash bowl from its water. After a long, busy day, Tseng finally got ready for bed, dressed down to his underwear and his long hair tied into a bun. He liked having his hair long, and keeping it together like this during the night kept it in good condition - and spared it from becoming a tangled bird nest come morning.  
  
When he returned to the bedroom, Rufus was back in his previous position, resting on his side under the covers. The Turk climbed into bed on the vacant side, slipping under the covers to join Rufus. He turned off the small lamp on the bedside table, and settled close to his lover, an arm loosely looping around Rufus' waist and their legs tangled. "How are you feeling now?" he asked, keeping his voice down in their closeness.  
  
Rufus took a moment to answer, as if assessing how he actually felt right then. "Better. The painkillers take a while to really kick in, but they're effective," Rufus said, his own arm draped around Tseng's bare upper body, and fingers caressing along his smooth, lean back. They both knew that once the disease was beaten, Rufus would be facing withdrawals from the painkillers, as they were highly addictive, but it would be a small price to pay for having the pain eased now. And they both also knew that even during that withdrawal, Rufus would have Tseng’s continuous, absolute support, even on the toughest days.  
  
“I’ll make sure you have enough medication available tomorrow. Don’t hesitate to take it when you need it,” Tseng said after a moment, his hand reaching up to gently brush through the blonde strands that weren’t trapped by the bandage. He would much rather stay here and care for Rufus himself, but he also wanted to personally take care of the Jenova mission.  
  
“I’d prefer if you stayed here,” Rufus said with yet another small huff, this one defiant. It made the corners of Tseng’s lips curl into a soft smile, and he could only agree. “We’ll take some time together when I’m back, and Jenova’s remains are sealed away. I’m not leaving anything to chance,” Tseng said, wanting this potential threat out of the way first, before he would allow himself the luxury of not being on the job for a day. If Jenova’s remains got into the wrong hands, it would be used for new, dangerous experiments, and he’d rather not have more ‘end of the world’ threats.  
  
A comfortable silence followed, and in the darkness, Tseng wondered for a moment if sleep had finally caught up with Rufus. The fingers on his back were still moving, though, if only slightly now, and he knew the President was trying to fend off sleep. “Get some rest, Rufus,” he said quietly, affectionately, and inched his head closer to press a kiss to the other pair of lips. Rufus hummed his agreement, but not without returning the kiss first, before he finally let sleep settle. Tseng remained awake for a bit longer, going through tomorrow’s mission in his mind again to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything. He still had a bad feeling about the matter, but there was no turning back, they _had_ to get their hands on those remains. Not for research on their own side, he knew Rufus didn’t want to go down the same path as his late father - but to prevent others from doing so. He returned his attention to the present, and let Rufus’ even breathing finally lull him to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufus is healed from the Geostigma, but now he needs to face the withdrawal from his trusty pain medication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm no expert on drug withdrawal, I've thankfully never had to personally experience it.
> 
> As always, a huge thanks goes to TheBlackMorals for beta reading this!

After two arduous years of research, the cure for the Geostigma had been found somewhere very unexpected - in the Lifestream. During a celebration party at Seventh Heaven in Edge, a day after the miracle, Tseng had managed to have a short conversation with Cloud, in which he’d learnt that none other than Aerith and Zack had made this happen. Even now, a few days later, that thought pulled an ever so small smile from his lips. Her death was still one that weighed heavily on his heart and conscience as all the steel in Midgar combined - in a sense, he had her and Zack’s blood on his hands, and he would never be able to wash it off. But to know that both Aerith and Zack had helped heal the Geostigma victims - _and Rufus_ \- showed that even in the Lifestream, after everything that had happened, their souls were still pure.  
  
But even with the threats of ‘Geostigma’ and ‘Reunion’ over and dealt with, they - President Rufus Shinra and his Turks - were now facing a new challenge. It was a challenge that all Geostigma survivors had to deal with, but to Tseng, it was only their little group that mattered. Rufus no longer needed the potent pain medication, but with the addiction long since having hooked its claws into the President, he now had to fight through withdrawal. These past few days had been spent with specialised doctors, and Rufus pushing off the inevitable. Despite the doctors’ advice for a medicated treatment to make this recovery easier, Rufus decided to go cold turkey as he didn’t want to be dependent on yet another drug. It could be done in a controlled environment, though that much more difficult, and his Turks would be there to supervise the recovery, and ensure his safety. Rufus truly believed himself strong enough to endure this recovery without medication.   
  
This was the second day that Rufus would be going without the pain medicine that had brought him relief for those two long years. Tseng would have liked to remain in their cabin in Healin, but he was in charge of planning and supervising for the people in and around Healin to be returned to their homes. This was done in cooperation with the WRO, while Elena was in Midgar, also with the WRO, on a supply recovery mission in the ruins of Shinra HQ. Rufus and Reeve had come to an agreement that aside from Rufus’ ‘anonymous’ fundings, the Turks would help on WRO missions when necessary.  
  
Tseng and Rude were in a cabin on the other side of Healin, in the middle of scheduling transportation with two members of the WRO, when his phone rang. One glance at the display showed it was Reno, who remained with the President in Rufus and Tseng’s cabin. Picking up, Reno spoke before Tseng could say a word. “Yo, Director, the boss is-- having a mood,” the redhead’s voice filtered through the phone, a loud crash interrupting the short statement, and in his mind’s eye Tseng saw Reno dodging whatever Rufus had thrown. They all knew how irritation and aggression in Rufus could occur during his recovery, and that the irritation had already shown within the first 12 hours. “We’re on our way,” Tseng assured Reno, and cut the connection. As he stood, he suggested that the two WRO workers took a coffee break, and motioned for Rude to follow him.  
  
The vicinity of Healin Lodge was decent in size, but its former name of Cliff Resort gave away its unique layout. Getting to the President’s cabin cost them a little more time than Tseng would have liked, even though they made it within a few minutes. As they entered the cabin, they were greeted by some angry voices from the office, with things being shoved or thrown around, putting the room into absolute chaos. Rufus was on a clear mission to find some of those pain meds he had depended on for the past two years, and nothing Reno said or did could stop him. The redhead was the second in command of the Turks, but he still had less liberties than Tseng, especially when it came to the President. They were all more casual than before, more friendly with each other nowadays, but underneath all that, notions of hierarchy were still deeply ingrained in them and difficult to shake. Right now Rufus wasn’t putting himself in danger, so there was no reason for Reno to go ‘all out’.  
  
Entering the room, Tseng didn’t pause to acknowledge the mess as he walked straight up to Rufus, who in turn was just about to throw the office chair at the locked safe in frustration. Rufus technically shouldn’t be able to have the strength to lift such weight yet, with the weakened state the Geostigma had left his body in, but adrenaline was apparently able to lend him this kind of strength. Tseng took hold of Rufus’ arms from behind, forcing his lover to drop the chair, and twisted his arms behind his back. Tseng ignored the angry curses that earned him, and he none too gently ‘guided’ the President out of the office and into the bedroom. Whenever Rufus tried to fight against the hold, Tseng simply tugged his arms up a nudge. “Rude, the mirror,” Tseng instructed as he pushed Rufus’ upper body onto the bed, a knee coming up to push against the writhing President’s back to keep him secure under his weight. Rude stepped into the room, and picked up the long stand-up mirror from one corner of the room, carrying it out. That would prevent Rufus from breaking the mirror in his anger, potentially hurting himself or others, and Tseng was glad the room had no windows to worry about. That had always been a disadvantage in these cabins, despite the state of the art ventilation system, but now it came in handy.  
  
“They’re in that safe, aren’t they?!” Rufus demanded angrily while he still tried to struggle against Tseng, oblivious to Reno propping the President’s cane against the bedside table. “You ordered us to dispose of the pain medication as we saw fit. We donated all the remaining stock from the safe and warehouse to the hospitals in Edge and Kalm,” Tseng explained calmly. The medications were addictive, but if administered carefully enough, they would do a lot of good in other pain treatments and therapies, but that statement didn’t go down well with Rufus. He cursed and struggled even more against the unyielding grip, and Tseng silently let the storm pass. The Turk had known this might happen, and he knew this wasn’t _Rufus_ acting, but the addiction. He could deal with anger and aggression, that was his speciality. He’d seen others in withdrawal before, too, fellow Turks with bad coping mechanisms, so he knew this was only the beginning, and that the aggression was only a phase.  
  
It took a few minutes for Rufus to finally calm down, and relax enough for Tseng to move back. Tseng gently moved the arms down next to Rufus, knowing his shoulders would feel a bit sore now, and he was relieved that the President wasn’t starting another fight. Then again, now that the adrenaline rush had subsided, it would have left Rufus feeling more exhausted, too. “I must meet with the WRO team again. Please stay here and get some rest, sir,” he Tseng said then, reverting back to formality as they weren’t alone. Rufus snarled something in reply, but didn’t make a move, the wind temporarily knocked out of his sails. That was good enough for Tseng, and he reluctantly turned to leave the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He found Reno and Rude in the living room. “I need to return to that meeting - Reno, Rude, you’re staying here. Don’t let the President out of that room, do what you must,” he ordered Reno and Rude, giving his subordinates the freedom to act upon their best judgement. He trusted them to keep the President safe.  
  
After Tseng left, Reno and Rude decided to take turns at standing guard until Tseng returned from the meeting, since they weren’t able to lock the door. Or sitting guard, more like, as Reno placed a chair in front of the bedroom door, and sat with one of the men’s magazines he enjoyed reading in his down time. It didn’t take long for Rufus to pull open the door in an attempt to leave, and he had his cane as a support in his left hand. Before he could step out of the room, however, Reno’s leg blocked the way from where he sat, foot stemmed up against the other side of the door frame. “You will move out of my way this instant,” Rufus commanded, glaring down at Reno. “Nope,” the redhead declined as he sat up just enough to push his boss back into the room, slamming the door shut in the President's face. Reno ignored the shouts from the other side of the door - along the lines of “I’m your _boss_ , for fuck’s sake!” - and returned to his magazine, unphased. “Orders from the Director~” he replied. Tseng had basically given them the freedom to subdue the President in the worst case, after all, but Reno doubted Rufus could even summon that kind of energy now, not after the explosion of aggression earlier.  
  
Shortly after, Reno listened carefully to the rustling and shuffling in the bedroom, more angry muttering filtering through the closed door. Rufus was clearly searching the room for those pain medications he was craving, and Reno let him. There was no point in getting physical and agitate the President even more right now. Reno knew how thorough Tseng had been in getting rid of those drugs, making sure no secret stash hidden by Rufus in anticipation of this phase of withdrawal would go undetected. Rufus would give up on his own once he realised there was nothing to be found in the bedroom.  
  
Two hours later, Rude sat in the same chair with the fantasy romance novel he was currently enjoying - the fake paper cover indicated a historic war novel, but he wasn’t fooling anybody, they all knew better. The door to the bedroom opened again, and Rufus confidently took one step out of the room. He quickly saw Rude sitting right beside the door, who casually adjusted his sunglasses as he read on uninterrupted. Rufus turned on his heel, and went back into the bedroom, closing the door without the Turk even needing to look up from his book. Rufus had no doubt that Rude could _and would_ simply pick him up and carry him back inside.  
  
In the time that Rude stood guard, Reno cleaned up in the office to the best of his abilities, and left a pile of random papers on the desk that he couldn’t place. Those he would need to leave up to Tseng to sort away. He also prepared (read: barely warmed up, as opposed to heated up) a simple (canned) soup, which he brought into the otherwise silent bedroom. By this time Rufus had already calmed down considerably, sitting on the floor with his back against a wall and knees drawn up. Neither of them said a word as Rufus simply watched the Turk with an unreadable expression, the silence awkward, until Reno left the room again.  
  
It was later, near the end of Rude’s ‘shift’ that Tseng returned to the cabin, dropping a folder containing notes and information from the meeting onto the coffee table. Reno and Rude met him in the living room, and gave their report about the afternoon. The boss had tried to leave only twice, hadn’t touched his food by the time of the last inspection half an hour ago, and had been sick once - oh, and some papers in the office would still need some sorting. _And_ the bedroom might be a bit messy, just a little. Tseng listened, and nodded his understanding. “Thank you. We’ll meet here in the morning to go over the transportation details,” the Director said, and dismissed the other two Turks for the rest of the evening. Reno and Rude had taken some weight off his shoulder by keeping an eye on the President, and for that he was thankful.  
  
Before he did anything else after his colleagues departed, Tseng wanted to check on Rufus himself. He went to the bedroom, and quietly opened the door to step inside. The main light still was on, illuminating the otherwise silent, unusually messy room. Rufus was curled up in the middle of the bed on top of the covers, his back to the door. As Tseng stepped into the room, he noticed the slight remaining scent of vomit in the air, but the bucket next to the bed was empty. Reno or Rude had already cleaned up, and the ventilation system had nearly done the rest. As he neared the bed, Tseng noticed Rufus’ legs and arms twitching just slightly. “Rufus?” he asked into the silence, standing by the edge of the bed behind the President, and received a tired “Hm?” in reply. It was enough to relieve his most immediate concern.  
  
Feeling slightly more at ease now, Tseng took off his suit jacket, gun holster and tie, picked up the upturned chair near the bed, and hung the items over the backrest. Tseng’s shoes were placed under the chair, and he silently left the room for the bathroom. He returned to the bedroom with a cold, damp cloth, and went to ‘his side’ of the bed, which Rufus was facing. Tseng found his lover awake and obviously uncomfortable, with cold sweat evident on his face around tired eyes. They were both exhausted not only from the past two years, but in particular from the most recent two weeks. Tseng was still recovering from a few lingering injuries inflicted on him by Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz, and Rufus had gathered every ounce of his strength to show no weakness and only absolute control while he’d been around Kadaj, for half that time not knowing what had become of Tseng. Only the four Turks, or more than any Tseng, were allowed to see past his facade. But what got to Tseng the most right now was his inability to do anything for Rufus. Tseng knew his lover was now struggling with this withdrawal, that things would get so much worse before they would improve, and there was nothing he could do. Rufus had decided to go cold turkey, and that took away any medicated relief Tseng could offer the President otherwise. This recovery style was one he had reluctantly agreed to.  
  
Tseng knelt on the mattress, and moved to lay close to Rufus. No words were needed between them at that moment, as Tseng offered his arm as a pillow for Rufus, and used the cold cloth to affectionately wipe Rufus’ face. In turn, the President tried to relax his aching muscles, and reached up and around Tseng to pull on the small hair band that held back the Turk’s front hair. Tseng watched closely, easily noticing the slight tremor in Rufus, the way the hand shook. It was another familiar symptom he’d seen before, and he guessed it was only just the beginning.  
  
“How do you feel?” Tseng asked after a few moments, a question he’d asked regularly over the last two years. He always expected Rufus to answer him honestly, would know when his lover didn’t, but luckily Rufus rarely tried to play something down, not to Tseng. “Like an electric current is moving through my body. I don’t approve,” Rufus said, as if indignant and utterly offended that these muscle aches and tremors hadn’t asked for his permission. How _dare_ they. Tseng continued to watch Rufus, and again he reminded himself that this was only the beginning. Could he really just sit back and let Rufus, his lover, throw himself head first into this battle against himself without any armour? He thought for another moment, and rested the chilled cloth against the side of Rufus’ neck before he spoke up again.  
  
“Rufus, I highly recommend you reconsider doing this without medical support,” Tseng began, and held a finger against his lover’s lips before any verbal protest could interrupt the Turk. Rufus’ frown announced that impending protest, and Tseng wouldn’t have it. “I’ve seen others in recovery over the years. This style of withdrawal brought them to their knees. It’ll become much more difficult than you can imagine. A medicated treatment would make the process more bearable for you,” Tseng tried again to convince Rufus, but Rufus Shinra was nothing if not incredibly, frustratingly stubborn. It ran in the family. “If not for yourself, then for _my_ sake,” the Turk tried a different route. “I’ll be here with you every step of the way, whatever choice you make, but I want you to suffer as little as possible. Please allow me this one selfish request.” This request was in part heart felt, and in part tactical, almost like guilt tripping Rufus. If it resulted in relief medication being permitted, Tseng decided he would guilt trip his lover mercilessly.  
  
Rufus deserved some credit, because he actually considered those words for a few minutes - so long that Tseng thought he wouldn’t get an answer at all. “... Fine. But only a minimum. I can endure this without meds, but I’ll do it for you. However, _I_ will decide when to take something,” Rufus set his single condition, and Tseng breathed a soft sigh of relief as this demand was better than no agreement. “Thank you,” Tseng said in a near whisper, and cupped Rufus' jaw and cheek as he leant in to press a kiss to the other pair of lips. Recovery would still be difficult for Rufus, but now there was the option to make the effects of the withdrawal less severe. Tseng knew his lover had an incredibly strong will, but he had no doubt that this would be challenging for Rufus even with a medicated treatment.  
  
They held each other for a little longer, sharing this sense of security that they always found in each other. It had always been something that had kept them grounded. Eventually, Tseng spoke up again. “Do you feel up to sitting in the living room for a bit? You need to eat, and a change of scenery would do you good,” the Turk suggested; Rufus hadn’t touched the soup Reno had brought in earlier, and he’d been confined to this room for hours. Rufus hesitated for a moment, but gave a slight nod that yes, he would manage. They shared one more kiss before Tseng helped Rufus up and into the other room. The President’s tremors hadn’t subsided, but he did seem slightly more relaxed now, and the cane helped him keep some sort of independence. Tseng would always be there to help however he could, but Rufus had to recover the strength in his muscles on his own. Rufus just made sure to take breaks and go at his own pace.  
  
“There should be some quiz show on TV,” Tseng said as he turned the TV on, while Rufus let himself drop onto the couch, leaning heavily against the backrest. It didn’t take long for Tseng to find a show, which would hopefully provide Rufus with some distraction, and he returned the remote to the coffee table. Tseng made sure Rufus was okay and comfortable before he left for the kitchen. He tied his hair back into a ponytail with a hairband as he looked into the cupboard for something light yet nutritious. It also made him realise that they needed to stock up; maybe whoever escorted a team to Edge tomorrow could pick up some things from the local shops. He eventually decided on some chocobo soup, added some carrots he found, and prepared some soothing tea, his choices being made with Rufus’ earlier nausea in mind. While Tseng worked in the kitchen, he couldn’t help a small smile when he heard Rufus in the living room, calling one of the contestants on the show an idiot for giving a wrong answer.  
  
Once everything was prepared and divided into two cups and bowls, the Turk gave the hot liquids a moment to cool while he did a quick job of cleaning up the small mess he’d made. When he eventually returned to the living room, their dinner balanced on a tray, he noticed Rufus had switched the channel to some 30 years old, low quality Wutai martial arts flick with mediocre subtitles - the type of B-movie that was usually so bad that it was almost good. “You got bored of the game show?” Tseng asked as he put the tray down and sat, while Rufus waved off the question. “I have no tolerance for idiots,” Rufus dismissed, and carefully took hold of the offered bowl and one of the spoons. They ate in silence after that, half watching the movie, half lost in their own thoughts. Tseng noticed Rufus was eating reluctantly for the most part, given his earlier nausea, but at least he was trying to eat. Tseng understood the reluctance, but he was glad that at least for now, Rufus was trying.  
  
Shortly after they finished eating, while Tseng sipped his tea and the movie neared its end, Rufus shifted them on the couch to be able to sit behind Tseng with a leg on either side, fingers reaching up to carefully pull the hair band from his hair again. They did this sometimes, Rufus doing something with Tseng’s hair because, well, he could. And the Turk always let him, even the one time he’d let Rufus give him pigtails simply because the President felt like it at the time. Tseng didn’t usually let anybody touch his hair, as it was a very personal part of him, but he enjoyed Rufus’ fingers in it, just as much as he knew his lover enjoyed playing with it. Now, usually nimble fingers clumsily parted the smooth, black hair into three sections, and began to braid them.  
  
“I’m sorry. About this afternoon. I didn’t mean to give you such a hard time.” The sudden, quiet apology had Tseng stop mid sip from his tea - it was incredibly rare that the President apologised for, well, anything. Growing up, Rufus had always been told that apologising meant showing weakness, and a Shinra never shows weakness. In the beginning of their relationship there had been rare occasions when Tseng had been irked by Rufus not apologising for something in particular, but even at those times he’d quickly reminded himself that it wasn't personal ignorance. Instead, Rufus would often show in other ways that he was sorry for something. So hearing Rufus apologise now, it just caught Tseng a bit by surprise as he could probably count on one hand the times Rufus had done so ever since they met.  
  
Tseng would have shaken his head in reply, but with Rufus still braiding his hair, he refrained. “It’s fine, I understand,” the Turk assured, able to differentiate between Rufus acting on his own, and the addiction making Rufus act. Tseng let a few moments pass before another thing came to mind. “Did you actually throw something at Reno?” he asked, not even trying to hide his amusement. Of course he cared about Reno, but somehow the thought was kind of amusing, and Tseng knew that Reno hadn’t actually been harmed, either. Luckily the redhead had incredible reflexes. This time Rufus didn’t sound apologetic at all as he confirmed the information. “I think we need a new phone,” Rufus said with a hint of smugness in his voice. The President fumbled with the hair band for a moment as he tied it at the end of the braid, and looped his arms around Tseng, chin resting on his lean shoulder. This was all they both wanted and needed more than anything right then, each other’s closeness and warmth.  
  
“I think I missed the entire plot point of this movie,” Tseng said as the end credits finally rolled on the screen, really not having paid much attention to it up until now. There were some incredibly good martial arts movies from that era, but this particular one was clearly not on that list. “There was a plot point?” Rufus asked close to his lover’s ear with his chin still resting on Tseng's shoulder, and by the sound of it, the President was getting more tired. “Most likely not, no,” Tseng said with some amusement in his voice before he reluctantly moved out of Rufus’ hold to stand up. “It’s getting late, we should probably get some sleep. I’ll just clean this up,” the Turk said then, as he gathered up their dishes on the tray to take them back to the kitchen. He expected Rufus to immediately go get ready for bed as he usually would, but by the time he had dried off the dishes, he still heard the TV in the other room.  
  
When Tseng was done in the kitchen, he walked back into the living room to find Rufus still on the couch, watching an old classic set in Midgar - or what had once been Midgar. It had been shot long before either of them were born, before Midgar’s finished construction, when the world’s largest city had still just been a cluster of eight individual towns. After the fall of the Shinra empire, these old movies had become popular again as they could no longer be banned under the old Shinra propaganda. Tseng admitted that he and Rufus had found a liking for those movies, and they’d often sit there on the couch and watch one of them together in the evenings.  
  
Tseng could tell by how pale Rufus was, arms curled around his stomach, that he was fighting the nausea again, so the Turk returned to the kitchen. Now that he had the permission to administer the medications after all, Tseng located the anti-nausea drops he knew they had in a cupboard. It was usually needed when one of the Turks ended up with a concussion or intense pain, which luckily didn’t happen nearly as often anymore as it had before the fall of the company. Tseng returned to the living room with a cap of the medication and a glass of water, and promptly received a defiant half glare from Rufus. “You agreed,” he reminded Rufus, and held out the items. “Under the condition that I’d decide when to take something,” Rufus pointed out, but took the offered medication and glass without further complaints, recognising what it was. While the President drank the drops with some water, Tseng settled behind Rufus, a leg on either side of his lover’s body. Once the glass was placed onto the table, the Turk drew Rufus in close. He could feel Rufus relaxing into the embrace, and felt every twitch and tremor of aching muscles, so Tseng moved a hand to slowly, soothingly to rub over Rufus’ stomach, hoping it would help some.  
  
They watched the beginning of the movie in companionable silence, giving the medication time to work, and realised they had seen the movie before. Still, it was interesting to see what the slums had looked like in the past, when they had still been respectable towns under natural sunlight. No steel plates, no mako reactors, no smog, and people had lived good lives regardless. Two years ago, the world had quite suddenly returned to a state in which people lived more humble lives again. Even now it wasn’t easy, but people were faring well enough while the WRO continued to work on alternative energy sources as well as coal mining.  
  
That made Tseng think; Rufus was an anonymous financier for the WRO, with his own agenda, but some personal plans weren’t concrete yet, to the Turk’s knowledge. “Are you still planning to move to Edge next?” Tseng asked, as his lover had only debated the possibility up until now. After all, the Geostigma had brought some uncertainties. Rufus hummed, eyes still on the TV. “Maybe... Somewhere on the outskirts. Or maybe Costa del Sol. Junon might be as welcoming of me as Edge. Maybe set up an official branch of the WRO in Costa,” Rufus nodded, as if that option was the most feasible for him in the foreseeable future. He wasn’t running away or hiding from the people’s scorn, but had decided to keep a low profile for a while. Costa del Sol would bring him far enough away to take care of his own ideas, while sailing under the WRO flag. “Will you join me?” Rufus asked then, even though he already knew the answer. “Of course, wherever you decide to go,” Tseng answered without hesitation; he would follow Rufus to the end of the world, or the depths of the Lifestream, without a second thought. “I can speak for Reno, Rude and Elena, too, that they’ll remain with us,” Tseng added; the others had mentioned it to him a while ago, when they had talked about possible future plans.  
  
Rufus thought for a moment before he spoke again. “Sometimes I wonder what it is that keeps us all together. The world is rebuilding, there are plenty of chances for them to live their own lives now, like all the other Turks,” Rufus said thoughtfully. He knew why Tseng stayed, so he didn’t question his lover’s reasons. Lifting a hand, Tseng brushed his fingers through Rufus’ hair. “They’re loyal to you, because - believe it or not - they _like_ you,” Tseng said with a smile audible in his voice. “You’d made some mistakes in the beginning, but you’ve long since redeemed yourself. You take care of us, and we take care of you. Reno and Rude can’t imagine a different life, and I honestly can’t see Elena anywhere else, either.” Rufus hummed his agreement. “I _am_ thankful for the four of you,” Rufus said after another moment, as if wanting to make sure Tseng knew, and in reply, Tseng inclined his head to press a kiss to the side of Rufus’ head. “I know,” Tseng whispered, and Rufus turned enough for them to share a proper kiss.  
  
Even after they returned their attention to the TV, Tseng kept his fingers combing through the soft, blonde strands, something that brought comfort and relaxation to both him and Rufus. It was only halfway through the movie that Tseng noticed how Rufus' breathing had evened out, and one glance down proved that his lover was indeed asleep against his chest. Tseng didn't want to risk waking him by relocating him to the bedroom. The couch was just fine, he decided, as he carefully reached for the blanket that hung over the back of the couch. It was often used, as someone regularly fell asleep on the couch, and now it would serve well in keeping Rufus warm. Tseng pressed an affectionate kiss to the side of Rufus' head, and let his fingers return to brushing through the blonde hair.  
  
Tseng's own body felt tired, too, but his mind likely wouldn't give him rest anytime soon. There was just too much on Tseng's mind - Rufus' steep recovery; the doctor's appointment in the morning for the regular check-up and discussing of proper treatment; getting the Healin Lodge residents back into their own homes; Rufus' physical rehabilitation after the Geostigma; a potential move to Costa del Sol that would require planning. They would need to hold a meeting with Reeve, too, but all of that had to wait until Rufus was over the worst of his withdrawal. There was no way the President would let himself be seen like this by anybody outside the Turks, not even by Reeve. Not only that, Rufus would also be in no condition to concentrate or hold a discussion. The recovery part currently weighed the heaviest on Tseng's mind, as he knew the worst was still to come. Tseng decided that once things became more difficult for Rufus, he would pull away from active duty outside this cabin. Rufus would need all the support he could get, and Tseng would be right there to do whatever he could for his lover.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week of recovery from the old pain medication had proven to Rufus just how badly he had underestimated not only his addiction, but overestimated his own capabilities, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm no expert on drug withdrawal, I've thankfully never had to personally experience it.
> 
> As always, a huge thanks goes to TheBlackMorals for beta reading this!

The first week of recovery from the old pain medication had proven to Rufus just how badly he had underestimated not only his addiction, but overestimated his own capabilities, too. In hindsight he was glad he’d let Tseng talk him into a medicated treatment, though the President’s initial compromise / demand to decide if and when he took the meds was mostly obsolete by now. At this point in his withdrawal Rufus hardly made any decisions himself anymore, relying almost completely on Tseng’s better judgement. There wasn’t much Rufus _could_ do, after all, with the state his body was in now - alongside the constant nausea, his muscles ached and twitched uncontrollably, which then agitated his stomach whenever he tried (or was forced to try) to eat something. He threw up most of every attempted meal, leaving his body weaker than it already was from the Geostigma. Even going to the bathroom wasn’t possible without Tseng’s help these days. In addition to being cooped up in the bedroom, Rufus hadn’t seen Reno, Rude or Elena in a couple of days - the other day Tseng said he had handed over his command to Reno for the time being. “I’m staying here with you,” Tseng had said, and Rufus honestly couldn’t feel more relieved about that decision.  
  
Now, Rufus found himself curled up on their bed, dressed in grey jogging trousers and a loose white t-shirt, unkempt and sweaty, his body overcome by tremors. Only yesterday he’d needed emergency treatment when suddenly his heart felt like it was trying to race out of his chest, and Rufus very vaguely recalled the look of concern on the doctor’s face. He hadn’t dared to look at Tseng and see his worry. The doctor had suggested moving his recovery to the hospital in Edge, but that was out of the question for Rufus. Here was just fine. Hardly having slept at all the past few days, Rufus closed his eyes to try to get some rest, body and mind completely exhausted.  
  
 _What a worthless loser.  
  
_ Rufus’ eyes snapped open - he could have sworn he heard his father’s voice right behind him. That wasn’t possible, the man was dead!  
  
 _Look at you. You’ve always been a failure, and now you’re in the dirt with all those other rats you were supposed to rule over.  
  
_ His father continued to mock him. Was he here? It… might be possible, right? Sephiroth had returned from the Lifestream, so why wouldn’t the late President Shinra, too…? That would be something the old man would do, coming back from the dead just to mock his son, Rufus thought. “Go back where you came from,” Rufus murmured, too tired to put up a fight.  
  
 _You were never fit to rule. It was only a matter of time before you’d turn to drugs. Useless fool. You think you can live without them now?  
  
_ President Shinra’s mocking laughter made Rufus feel sick all over again. He was sure his father was standing right behind him, but he had neither the energy nor the will to turn around and look. As a child, Rufus had been mocked far more by his father than this - he could ignore the man now. This was nothing, he told himself. Only then did he hear a female voice, too.  
  
 _I’m so disappointed in you, Rufus.  
  
_ A small sound escaped Rufus as he squeezed his eyes closed, the words feeling like a dagger to his heart. He instantly recognised his mother’s voice there in the room with him, even though he had been so very young when she had died. Was she there with his father?  
  
 _I had such high expectations of you. You were my darling son, the only precious thing in my life. I always thought you would be better than your father. It pains me to see what a weakling I’ve given birth to.  
  
_ Rufus shook his head as he tried not to listen. He had often thought about what his mother might think of him now, of the decisions he’d made, but to hear this…  
  
 _You’re better off just taking those drugs. At least then you can fake being in control of your miserable life.  
  
_ Her once loving, soft voice was full of disgust, and it almost took all Rufus had to not lose it right then and there. “ _I’m sorry_ ,” he whispered; he couldn't care less about his father, but his beloved mother...? As if that wasn’t enough, he now heard Tseng’s voice, too:  
  
 _You know, Rufus, I’m getting tired of you. I’m a Turk, not your personal nurse.  
  
_ For the past two years Rufus had constantly worried that he would wear out Tseng’s patience. Tseng had always insisted he took care of Rufus because he wanted to, but now this doubt returned to him. Rufus blindly clawed at a pillow to pull it over his head in a meagre attempt to hide away, and block out the disappointment clear in all those words. But no matter how much he tried to close his ears, those voices didn’t quiet down, didn’t stop tormenting him.  
  
 _You were much easier to deal with while you took Doctor Kilmister’s medication. They’re still in the cabin. Your previous self at least had some semblance of dignity.  
  
_ The hidden stash - the voice sounding like Tseng's must have been referring to those. If those meds were still in the cabin, maybe Tseng hadn’t taken all the medication like he had said he had...  
  
 _Just do everybody a favour and take those drugs. Do you really think you can go without? You’re a disgrace to the Shinra name.  
  
_ The voice of Rufus’ father again. As much as he hated the man, the words were actually getting to him. Maybe the old man was right for once...  
  
 _Be a good boy and find them, Rufus. Stop making a fool of yourself.  
  
_ Hearing his mother’s voice laced with such obvious disappointment and disapproval like that, Rufus almost gave in to the need for his old pain medications that had brought him relief for so long. He remembered how relaxed he always felt after a dose, and his body physically ached for it. But at the same time his body also lacked the physical strength to even leave the bed on his own. Rufus wanted to argue with his father as he always would, and then talk to his mother, tell her how much he missed her, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Rufus felt too ashamed of what had become of him, a feeling he didn’t usually have in his repertoire.  
  
Maybe this pillow would actually take mercy and just smother him, Rufus hoped for a brief moment, but then even that slim chance was taken away from him as the pillow was suddenly pulled away. Rufus cracked his eyes open just a bit when he heard Tseng’s voice again, right above him. “Are you okay?” the worried voice asked gently, and Rufus felt his upper body be pulled up and his side rested against a firm, warm surface. Rufus’ mind, however, was too full of racing thoughts revolving around all those accusations he had just heard in his mind, and the question was instantly forgotten. A part of Rufus wanted to ask Tseng about his hidden stash, while another part just wanted to bury his face in the crook of his Tseng’s neck and hide from the disappointment he caused. Rufus frowned slightly as he tried to recall what Tseng had just said, while he felt around for any touch of Tseng to ground himself. The first thing he rested it on was Tseng’s lean leg, gripping his fingers at the fabric of the slacks.  
  
“Rufus?” Hearing his lover’s voice again, Rufus finally opened his eyes, and he felt something solid on his lips as Tseng tried to get the President to eat some plain rice, as Rufus refused to eat by his own ‘free will’. It didn’t smell nearly as strong or bad as some other, heavier or spicier foods, but just _thinking_ of eating anything had Rufus’ stomach turn. “Please, you have to eat _something_ ,” Tseng said with concern in his voice, and used his free hand to catch Rufus’ jaw as the President tried to shake his head away from the spoon. Rufus didn’t want to feel sick again, though. His lips eventually gave in, though, and he slowly, reluctantly chewed and swallowed the bit of rice. He usually enjoyed eating rice, but his constant nausea made even this little joy impossible. Squirming against Tseng’s chest, Rufus looped his shaking, twitching arms around Tseng’s waist as he then hid his face in the crook of Tseng’s neck. “ _Make this stop…_ ” Rufus whispered in his makeshift hideout, as he just wanted to be his old self again. All this nausea and pain, he just wanted all of it gone.  
  
 _How pitiful. I’m so ashamed to call you my son. Just man up and demand those damned drugs, and you’ll be fine.  
  
_ Hearing his mother again, Rufus squeezed his eyes shut as his jaw clenched. He had always lived his life in a way that he thought would have made her proud of him, so hearing her say this now was almost more than--  
  
 _I must have been blind, following and even loving a weakling like you. If Reno and Rude saw you like this, they’d up and leave. I’m actually considering it myself. Maybe Elena will take pity on you and shoot you.  
  
_ Tseng’s words gave Rufus the final push. Rufus failed to notice the difference in the two different voices - the cold, contemptuous tone the Director of the Turks usually reserved for someone he disliked, and the softer, caring voice his lover used when they were alone. The softer voice was that of _his_ Tseng, against whom he was propped up right then; the other, colder voice only played in Rufus’ mind, but in that moment everything was real to Rufus. Even his late mother, who had always been kind and loving towards him as a child, the hatred in those words seemed entirely real to him now. “I’m sorry I failed you, please don’t leave. Please, I need those meds,” Rufus groaned in pain and defeat against the side of Tseng’s neck, his fingers gripping at Tseng’s fitting t-shirt for dear life. “I can’t do this, _please_ .” With his face still hidden, Rufus didn’t see the pain showing on Tseng’s face. Seeing Rufus suffering like this, it tore at Tseng more than he had imagined it would, and his heart ached for Rufus. The Turk knew exactly what medication Rufus wanted right then, the one he had depended on for two years, but the prescribed treatment was all the President could have.  
  
“Wait here,” Rufus heard Tseng say, and when he felt his lover begin to move away, Rufus just clung desperately to him, afraid that Tseng would leave for good. “Just two minutes, I’ll get your meds,” Tseng assured as he gently pried Rufus’ hands off him, and helped him lay back down. Rufus looked up at Tseng as nimble fingers brushed back his blonde hair, and this was the first time that day that he actually _saw_ Tseng. Tseng hadn’t been wearing his suit in a couple of days, but even dressed this casually, he was still the most beautiful human being Rufus had ever laid eyes on. Rufus reached out with his shaking hand as Tseng left the room, then let his arm drop to the mattress.  
  
 _Now you’re begging? Just when I thought you couldn’t go any lower.  
  
_ His mother’s voice laughed coldly, somewhere right behind him. This might well have been the first time he had ever begged for anything, and while Rufus would usually just demand something, right now he was at his wits’ end. His mother’s laughter just dug the hole deeper for him to sink into. “ _I’m sorry,_ ” he whispered again, though she didn’t seem to be listening.  
  
Rufus didn’t know how much time passed, but he was relieved when Tseng finally returned, moving them back into their previous position - Rufus sitting with his side against Tseng’s chest. “Here, drink this,” Tseng said after he poured some of the thick yellow liquid into a small cup, the bottle placed on the bedside table. Rufus rested his head against Tseng’s shoulder just before the small plastic cup was held to his lips. His old pain medication had been granules, so that was what he had expected now, too, and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise when he felt the thick, sweet liquid hit his tongue instead. He’d had this prescribed medication as his new treatment for the past few days, but at that moment he just didn’t remember having tasted it. Rufus was so set on his granules, he didn’t instantly understand that this was the new medication for his recovery.  
  
This wasn’t what Rufus had asked for, and momentarily not knowing what Tseng was giving him, he tried to spit it out. Tseng was quicker, though, and clamped one of his bare hands over the President’s mouth, head held back against his shoulder. Rufus struggled against the hold with his eyes squeezed shut, his hands reaching up in an attempt to pull Tseng’s hand away, to squirm from the hold, push back against the Turk, _anything_ , but Tseng’s grip was relentless. “You’ll feel better, I promise,” Tseng spoke softly into his ear, and finally Rufus was drained of what little energy he had to begin with. He stopped struggling, and with no other choice left, he reluctantly swallowed the medication. Only then did Tseng remove his hand, and reached for a small towel to clean Rufus’ chin and his hand from what little of the medication had been spat out, while his other hand soothingly brushed through Rufus’ hair.  
  
They stayed like that for a while longer, with Tseng slowly brushing back his blonde hair, and Rufus keeping his eyes closed as he tried to stay calm and relaxed against his lover, despite the tremors and lingering anxiety still coursing through his body. “Rufus?” Tseng said to catch Rufus’ attention, receiving a tired “Hm?” in reply. “You’ve never failed me. Wherever you got that idea from, it’s wrong. I’m proud of you, you’ve come so far. No matter what happens, I love you, and I’ll go to the end of the world with you. Never forget that,” Tseng spoke quietly in their close proximity, and pressed an affectionate kiss to the side of the President’s head. Rufus remained quiet for a moment, his hazy mind trying to catch up with what Tseng was saying. Or rather _why_ he was speaking of such loyalty, when just before he had considered leaving. The thought had Rufus frown momentarily. “Didn’t you hear my father earlier? Or my mother?” he asked, and now it was Tseng’s turn to frown in confusion as to what Rufus was referring to. Had they spoken to their son from the Lifestream? Such communication was technically possible, according to Cloud, but surely it was a power reserved for guardians of the Planet. People didn’t commonly get messages from the deceased, and President Shinra and Lady Shinra would most definitely not be afforded the opportunity to communicate from life beyond. “No, I didn’t. What did they say?” Tseng asked, curious to know what Rufus had heard.  
  
Rufus’ tired mind tried to think back to what his parents had said, though he’d rather let the memories fade into oblivion. “They were disappointed in me. Said I was worthless, a fool who had all this coming. And that my meds could at least make me my old self again. To make it worse, you… said you wanted to leave. You, Reno, Rude and Elena. I can’t do this on my own, please don’t leave me,” Rufus said, his hands gripping at Tseng’s arm looped around his waist. Just remembering that threat had anxiety bubble up inside him again, and he realised that that was his only real fear - to lose not only Tseng, but the only people who had ever cared about him as a person. Everybody else on this forsaken planet saw him as _President Rufus Shinra_ , responsible for all of his father’s mistakes, and for everything that had happened up until now. _Doofus Shinra_ , they called him. He didn’t care about any of that, no, not as long as he had the Turks, had _Tseng_ in his life. They felt more like family to him than anybody else ever had.  
  
Rufus was pulled from his thoughts when Tseng shifted and moved one of his hands under Rufus' chin to tilt his head up to look at him, one of Rufu' shaky hands on Tseng’s firm chest. Now that they were able to look at each other, the President looked into those dark brown eyes - the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.  
  
“That’s the kind of thing President Shinra might say, but not your mother. She loved you, she would never consider you worthless. You were hallucinating,” Tseng said as he cupped Rufus’ cheek. He had met Mrs. Shinra a few times back when he’d been a newly appointed, young Turk, not long before her death, and knew how much she had loved her son; she would never speak badly of Rufus. This hadn’t been a message from the Lifestream, but clearly Rufus’ own mind torturing him. Tseng remembered the doctor’s warning that auditory hallucinations might happen. “Reno, Rude and Elena are worried about you, they ask about you every couple of hours. None of us will leave you, I swear it. Remember Costa del Sol? The five of us will move there together once you’re feeling better, right by the coast. The seaside will be good for you.” The Shinra family still owned property there, after all, and being able to go swimming would be particularly good for Rufus’ physical recovery.  
  
Rufus could still hear the murmurs of his parents’ voices, but they were quieter now as he tried to focus on Tseng, watching his lips move. This helped him not to pay attention to voices and words from the invisible mouths. And Tseng - the _real_ Tseng - was right, Rufus’ dear mother would have supported him. She hadn’t been anywhere near like his father, but beautiful inside and out. “I’m looking forward to the move. Change of scenery, getting back to work. I’m fed up being like this, I need to be back in control,” Rufus said as he reached up and around Tseng’s head, his unsteady fingers clasping at the hair band to carefully pull it out. Rufus loved Tseng’s long, silken black hair, loved running his fingers through it - and what he loved most was that he was the only one who was allowed to even touch it. Everybody who knew Tseng knew the man hated having his hair touched, but Rufus was the only exception, and the President took full advantage of this free pass.  
  
“There’s one more thing those voices were wrong about,” Tseng said after a moment, contently letting Rufus play with his hair. Rufus looked at him for him to continue. “Your ‘old self’. Your pain meds don’t define you, you’re better than that. Once this is over, you’ll return to your real self - the charming, scheming, assertive, no-nonsense leader that you are. You’re too stubborn to let any medication control you,” Tseng said with a small smile as he watched Rufus, and the corners of Rufus’ lips curled up slightly, despite his exhaustion. “Are you saying I’m not charming?” Rufus asked teasingly, and it had the Turk’s own smile widen - this was exactly the kind of personality trait that Tseng had meant. “After all these years, you still manage to charm me every single day,” he said, and it was true - even on days when the Geostigma had done its worst on Rufus, he would do or say something that made Tseng want to kiss him senseless. And though he could see how drained Rufus was right now, he inclined his head to catch his lips with his own for a kiss that his lover returned without hesitation.  
  
Tseng let Rufus rest curled up against his chest, his arms wrapped around him protectively. He kept having to remind himself that this would be over soon, that Rufus would be over the worst and feel better. It was so easy to lose sight of that, especially as the President currently was right in the middle of his withdrawal. Tseng knew a long recovery path, physically and mentally, was ahead of Rufus after this treatment, and he firmly believed that Costa del Sol would be the best place to continue the journey. It would give Rufus all opportunities for his physical rehabilitation, peace for mental rehabilitation, the chance to slowly pick up work, and still remain close enough to keep an eye on Edge. Rufus wanted to rule over the new city, help it grow, but he had to handle it delicately, take it step by step, given the peoples' current hate towards the Shinra name. In a few years they would officially return to Edge, but for now, Rufus’ well-being was their absolute priority.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufus is over the worst part of his withdrawal, and Reeve visits, bearing an unexpected gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a huge thanks goes to TheBlackMorals for beta reading this!

Over the next week and a half Rufus’ condition slowly improved. He didn’t hallucinate hearing his parents again, which really was for the best, and he gradually began to sleep more. Rufus had lost a fair bit of weight, and while Tseng was far from being a cook, he made sure to prepare food that his lover was able to stomach with the help of the anti-nausea drops. Once the other Turks were allowed back into the cabin, Tseng even let Rude and Elena help with or completely take over meal preparations - Reno wasn’t allowed anywhere near the kitchen with his ‘burn water’-level cooking skills. Not that the redhead minded, he’d always be there to entertain Rufus in the living room instead. All of them were happy to see the President improving day by day, little by little; they’d been worried about him, so it had been an immense relief when Tseng had finally informed them that Rufus was over the worst. His hands still shook a bit, and he required small dosages of the prescribed relief medication from time to time, but things were finally beginning to look up.  
  
Now, over two weeks after the beginning of his withdrawal from the pain medication, Rufus sat in the office, his cane resting against the tidy desk. Reeve had announced a visit today, having been kept up to date by Tseng on the President’s recovery, so Rufus opted for a slightly more casual wear in the form of suit trousers, shirt, vest and tie, and his hair styled more in his usual fashion. This was no formal meeting - Rufus had known Reeve for a long time, and though they were business partners now, there was enough familiarity between them that Rufus didn’t need to go all out on appearance.  
  
Hearing a knock on the door, Tseng went to welcome their guest, once again dressed in his tailored black suit and hair partially tied back. He had felt comfortable in the more casual clothing during the past two weeks, but to him, the suit was like a second skin, and he naturally fell back into his role as the Director of the Turks.  
  
As Tseng opened the door, he found Reeve standing outside holding a rather large parcel, wearing a genuine, kind smile. “Tseng, it’s been a while, good to see you again,” Reeve said, formalities having long since been dropped between them. They had been on the same hierarchy level once, both directors of their respective departments, but they had also found a personal comradeship in their evacuation mission during Meteor. After all, Tseng owed Reeve his life, due to what had happened at the Temple of the Ancients. “It has been, come in,” the Turk agreed with a soft smile as he stepped aside, making room for Reeve to enter the cabin. “The President is in his office,” Tseng added as he closed the door once their guest had stepped inside. “You’re holding up alright out here? Ready to set sail for Costa?” Reeve asked conversationally as they walked towards the small office together, and Tseng gave a small nod. “The preparations are nearing their final stage. Reno, Rude and Elena have been working hard since the relocation of Healin’s residents,” he informed, and opened the office door for Reeve to enter first.  
  
When Reeve saw Rufus sitting behind his desk, he tried not to let his shock show. He hadn’t personally seen Rufus in months, having mostly spoken to him on the phone, but the young President looked far worse for wear than he’d imagined. Reeve knew how many times the President had narrowly avoided death in these last two years, and it showed. Rufus had lost too much weight, his face pale, his sharp eyes doing their best to hide their tiredness, and there was a slightly noticeable shake still left in his hands. He also noticed a cane propped up against the edge of the desk. However, Rufus still carried himself with the determination and dignity of the strong young man Reeve knew.  
  
He offered Rufus a warm smile as he stepped into the office. “I’m happy to see you again, Rufus. I might just _have_ to visit more often once you’re settled in Costa,” Reeve said as he put the box down next to the chair offered to him and sat down, while Tseng took the chair on the same side of the desk as Reeve. “Purely for business, correct?” Rufus asked with amusement in his voice, and Reeve’s laughter rang through the room. “Of course, only ever for business,” Reeve jokingly agreed while Tseng poured steaming tea into the three cups already prepared on the table. “At least the buildings in Costa have windows in their rooms. Who even designed these cabins?” Reeve asked then - being an architect himself, the cabins in Healin Lodge were an offence to his eyes. “Not you, regrettably. Though you’d be welcome to design modifications, if your schedule allows it. I’d like for this to become a resort again in future,” Rufus offered; this area had been a cliff resort prior to the Geostigma, after which it had been repurposed to be a medical centre for victims of the disease. This caught Reeve’s interest, and he tilted his head curiously. “Really? Well in that case, I’ll gladly make time to draft some much needed changes. Like windows in all rooms, not just the living room,” he agreed to design something. It would be a shame for visitors to not be able to fully enjoy the views from the other rooms, too, so windows were his priority.  
  
“Are there any news from Midgar?” Rufus asked then as he reached for his cup, but didn’t pick it up yet. Rather, he kept his fingers around it to enjoy the warmth for a little longer, while he watched Reeve’s expression turn a little more sombre. “We believe to have found Scarlet’s remains in the rubble. The elements haven’t been kind to her these two years, but the clothes and personal belongings indicate it was her,” Reeve reported, finding Rufus’ expression to be unreadable. “Has she been buried yet?” Rufus asked, to which Reeve his head. She was currently being kept with a few other victims of Meteor that still required burial. “The ocean will do,” Rufus waved it off, finally showing that he didn’t care much for showing her any final respect. “If you come across that other idiot, let me know. We’ll take care of Scarlet on the way to Costa del Sol,” he added the last part in Tseng’s direction, who nodded in turn. Rufus and Tseng both hated both of the former executives with a burning passion, but Tseng had held a personal grudge against Heidegger ever since the time the man had been in command of the Turks - throwing their remains out of the helicopter or over the side of a ship to join the fish would indeed be satisfying. “I understand. We haven’t made much progress in the area yet, but I believe Heidegger to be nearby. I’ll inform you once we find him,” Reeve promised.  
  
The mood lightened after that as they talked about easier matters, comforted further by the tea that had cooled down nicely by now. “So, what have you carried all the way from Edge?” Rufus asked eventually, still far more curious about the content of the box by Reeve’s feet than he would let on. His business partner’s grin made Rufus wonder if he really still wanted to know. “All the way from my car, more like. It’s just a little parting gift before you leave for Costa,” Reeve said while he picked up the box, and Tseng offered to carry it to the other side of the desk. It had a decent weight, which might have been difficult for Rufus to lift across the desk, and Tseng put it down by Rufus’ feet before he returned to his chair. Curiosity getting the better of him, Rufus opened the lid and peeked inside. He paused, raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, and reached down to pull out a brand new Cait Sith - this was easier than hefting the box over the desk would have been. The scene was so comical, the way President Rufus Shinra sceptically eyed the toy cat in his hands, that Tseng had to stifle a laugh, hiding an amused smirk behind his gloved hand.  
  
“I remember Cait Sith to be a spy, Reeve,” Rufus pointed out as he gingerly sat the toy down on his leg, and Reeve laughed freely. “Spy, infiltrator, accomplice, friend, he’s versatile. But don’t worry, I have no intention of spying on you. My actual intention is to have another means of communication, and to be able to offer better support from afar. I’ve even improved his A.I.,” Reeve said with an easy smile on his lips. “He could prove beneficial for our planned projects,” Tseng offered, almost having regained his stoic expression by then, but there remained a hint of amusement from the appearance of Cait Sith. “Speaking of being beneficial, are you sure you can’t leave one of your men with me in Edge?” Reeve asked both Rufus and Tseng, that comfortable smile still not having left Reeve. He already knew the answer, of course, but there was no harm in trying, right? “I’m afraid not, there will be too much to do on the other continent,” Rufus declined without a second thought, and without sounding sorry at all. It was partly true, too, but he also refused to give up any of his Turks.  
  
That was when Tseng joined the conversation more actively, having prepared for this topic prior to Reeve’s visit. “If it’s any consolation, we will continue to be present in Edge for a while. The Meteor monument needs to be rebuilt after Bahamut Zero destroyed the original. We’ll be at your disposal while we supervise the reconstruction. We’ve also gathered some more information on the Western continent relevant to the WRO projects. Once we’re settled in Costa del Sol, we’ll begin scouting out and investigating potential areas for solar panels and wind turbines. I took the liberty to prepare a report on what we have to go on at the moment,” Tseng said as he reached for a folder laying on the desk in front of him, opened it, and laid it out for Reeve. This was mainly why he had taken a seat next to Reeve, for them to briefly go over the notes.  
  
Reeve listened attentively as he went through the main points in the report with Tseng, nodding in between. “Excellent, thank you and your team for your hard work. I’ll read this carefully once I’m back at the office,” Reeve said as he closed the folder, most curious about the potential of their future projects. The world needed sustainable alternatives, or _additional_ options to coal energy, and the current solar and wind prototypes seemed fairly promising. They had to branch out more with their new technology to the other continents. “In case of an emergency we’ll naturally lend a hand. Other than that, like Tseng said, you can count on whoever is in Edge at the time,” Rufus concluded as he carefully put Cait Sith back into the box for now. He knew the toy had a manual on / off switch somewhere, and he wasn’t ready yet to switch it on.  
  
“I appreciate the offer, thank you,” Reeve said with a smile, happy to take whatever he could get. But having seen all these plans now, he fully understood that the Turks would already be having their hands full with WRO projects, and for that he was grateful. “Well, gentlemen, it’s time for me to drive back to Edge. I’ll get back to you once I’ve read the report, and see what I can do to save these cabins,” he announced. As much as Reeve enjoyed chatting with Rufus and Tseng, he had a lot to do back at the office, and he knew his business partners needed to continue their preparations for the move across the sea. “And we’ll send you the cabin plans later today. We’ll pick Scarlet up in three days from now, before we leave,” Rufus concluded as he stood, and Tseng and Reeve followed suit. They said their goodbyes, but before Reeve left the office, Rufus spoke up again. “And Reeve,” he said, and Reeve stopped by the door to look back. Rufus glanced down at the Cait Sith in its box next to him, then back up. “Thank you. We’ll put him to good use.” Reeve gave his trademark kind smile and nodded, then left the room with Tseng following along.  
  
They walked to the front door in companionable silence, but before he reached for the doorknob, Reeve turned back to face Tseng. “Please continue to take good care of him. We’ve both known him for a long time - aside from his mother, you and your men are the only people he’s ever fully trusted,” Reeve said, keeping his voice down as this was between him and the Turk. Tseng would have liked to return the sentiment, but they both knew that would be a lie. Rufus trusted Reeve to a fair degree, possibly more than any other (outside the Turks), but his plans to eventually rule over Edge still remained hidden from Reeve. “I will. We’ll stay in contact,” Tseng assured him with a respectful bow, and Reeve turned to leave the cabin.  
  
When Tseng returned to the office, he found Rufus pushing the closed box to the side with his foot, as if to make sure Cait Sith wouldn’t bother them yet. “This little one will be sleeping outside,” Rufus said jokingly, as if the toy cat were an actual pet, and Tseng chuckled, still amused by the whole Cait Sith matter. “Because you don’t trust that once it’s turned off, it’s _off_ ,” the Turk stated rather than asked as he walked around the desk, his gloved hands linking with Rufus’ outstretched hands. “Call it paranoia if you will. I’d trust anybody and everybody to spy on us,” Rufus shrugged slightly as he drew one of Tseng’s hands up to kiss the patch of bare skin on its back.  
  
That made Tseng think of what Reeve had said when they parted just a few minutes ago, while his other hand gave Rufus’ a soft squeeze. “Do you think he knows you have plans for Edge? Apart from the monument, that is,” he asked, certainly having his own opinions on the matter. Rufus briefly glanced at the box, but confirmed Tseng’s guess. “He probably suspects something. But I’m not like my father, the old man had lost sight of how to lead a city. I won’t make the same mistakes he did,” Rufus said while his fingers nudged back the cuff of Tseng’s shirt to be able to kiss his wrist and the pulse point just above the glove. Tseng nodded at the words, knowing without a doubt that Rufus would do a far superior job as the leader of the new city. “Besides,” Rufus said then, as he stood from his chair, and reached up with his hand to cup the side of Tseng’s neck, his thumb brushing along his lover’s jaw, “You’ll be at the helm with me. We won’t fail.”  
  
As they kissed leisurely, Tseng let go of Rufus’ hand for his arms to loop around his lover’s waist instead, holding him close. This was all Tseng wanted and needed right now, to have Rufus close like this. His further recovery would be a slow process, but Tseng already saw the determination and self-assuredness in him that the President was famous for. He knew that from now on things would finally pick up - the Geostigma was gone, Rufus’ initial addiction to Kilmister’s pain medication was, well, the recovery was promising, and Rufus was over the worst of his withdrawal symptoms. Looking at the President now, one could practically _feel_ the dignity Rufus carried himself with. His body was far from what it had once been, but the drive and determination to tackle anything that would throw itself at the President was tangible in him again.  
  
Tseng was only granted a few minutes to share more kisses with Rufus before he heard the cabin’s front door open. Reno and Elena were arguing about who should be in charge of cooking today - Reno voted for Rude or Tseng, just to piss her off, while Elena voted for herself, claiming her food tasted the best. Rude was smart enough to simply not get involved in their arguments. Tseng reluctantly broke the kiss, followed by Rufus sighing in defeat. “The kids are back,” Rufus murmured, though Tseng’s smile quickly cheered him up. “Just for a few hours,” Tseng assured with that soft smile still on his lips that he only seemed to reserve for his lover, and he affectionately patted Rufus’ chest. Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret from the other Turks, but they didn’t flaunt it, either. “Chief?” Reno’s voice sounded through the cabin, and Tseng stole one last quick kiss from Rufus’ lips before he reluctantly stepped out from between the President and the desk. “In the office,” Tseng called back, and whispered a ‘Later’ to Rufus before he reluctantly moved to leave the room.  
  
Rufus watched his lover leave, and he just took a moment to reflect on how lucky he was to have Tseng still so devoted to him. He was thankful for the entire Turk team that remained with him, but he knew that without Tseng, he wouldn’t have made it as far as he had. If Rufus was honest with himself - and only himself - he knew that if it hadn’t been for Tseng’s continued support, he wouldn’t have seen the end of the Geostigma. There had been so many moments of utter hopelessness in which he had felt like just giving up, but Tseng had been right there for him, to pick him up, without fail. Tseng had always watched over Rufus, had always made sure that he was safe and comfortable, but the mounting health issues had become so much more intense after Rufus had become infected with the Geostigma. And despite everything that had happened, the Turks still stayed with him, despite having had plenty of chances to leave and build their own lives. They really had become a chosen family for Rufus, and he wouldn’t change a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally trying my hand at a Twitter fan account @tonberryjan


End file.
